Torn

I have had a lots going on in my life lately. It seems like stuff just keeps piling on. It is really starting to annoy me. It seems like I will never get ahead. No matter what I do or how hard I try things just keep getting worse and not better. Good thing I am not a quitter and I handle stress really well.

Right now the thing that has got me down the most is what is going on with soccer. I have just been able to start playing again after six weeks of being out injured. I tell you what, a torn MCL is not fun. It could have been worse though so I am grateful that it wasn't severe. But it was bad enough that even after almost two months it still hurts. The pain comes and goes but it is definitely there. Because of the injury I have gotten really out of shape. I also missed almost the entire soccer season. I don't mind standing on the sidelines being the coach. But when I should be out on the field playing it is really hard. It got frustrating standing there not being able to help my team. Once I was able to play again I was out of shape and couldn't keep up. That was really frustrating for me. I spent the whole winter making sure I was in good shape for the season only to have this happen in the first game. But I survived.

Now I have a real dilemma to deal with. I have been so flustered with things lately that I have seriously considered not doing the team any more. When I have practices like tonight where one person comes to practice it really makes me feel like I am the only one that really cares about the team. I know there are some people that can't come that would be there all the time and I understand that. But what gets me is people want to improve their game but they don't come to practice. I wonder if they think that the way I do my practices isn't going to improve their skills like running drills would. But I know from 25 years of playing and several years of coaching that drills will only gain you so much. Yes you need to do them. And we do. But most of the time we just scrimmage. I do this for several reasons. One, it is to get everyone in shape. By the end of the first half everyone is worn out. The second half is where you really need your energy so being in shape is very important. My game will definitely help with that. Second, I do it to practice the same things we would practice doing drills. Only in a game setting you learn faster. Passing drills are great but how often do you have a nice easy open pass option available to you? Often times you have someone running at you and you have to pass between two opponents. It is hard to practice that with just drills. Third, I use the small nets to help people improve their accuracy. Not only does it help improve shots on goal it helps you develop more ball control skills as well as passing skills. When you pass the ball to a teammate you have a smaller target to hit than those nets. Fourth, I do it so we can get a feel for how each other plays. That is probably one of the most important things to know in a team sport. You have to develop a trust in each other. You have to be willing to pass the ball to everyone on the team. Sure you can develop that team oneness by just playing in real games, but it takes a lot more time than the season allows. So splitting up into two teams and playing helps speed the process up. Fifth, I do it to make practice fun. Trust me. Doing nothing but drills for an hour and a half is not fun. Not fun at all. This league is about having fun. If the games are supposed to be fun then the practices should definitely be fun. So I do my best to make them fun. There are several more reasons that I do things the way I do but I won't list any more.

The thing that has me so torn is whether or not to continue the team. I really want to. I love the game. I hate not playing whenever I can. But it has been really hard keeping the team going. We lose at least half the team every year and we have to find new players. That makes it hard. It doesn't help that our winning record isn't all that great. I like the team we have right now. I think we have great team morale and that makes things fun for everyone. I would love to keep this team the way it is. But I don't think that will happen. It seems that people have been slowly dropping out. We used to have a good turnout at practices. Now we have pretty much no turnout. That breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I am not a good coach. Which in turn makes me feel like not running the team anymore. I could easily find a team to play on and then I wouldn't have to deal with all the manager stuff. It would certainly give me more free time and let me enjoy the game more. But at the same time I feel like it would be giving up my best friend.

So I have a short time to decide what I want to do. I just hope that everything works out so that I can still play the game and have fun doing it.