Failure

"If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." - Thomas A. Edison

Smile

She smiled at a sorrowful stranger.

The smile seemed to make him feel better.

He remembered past kindnesses of a friend

And wrote him a thank-you letter.

The friend was so pleased with the thank-you

That he left a large tip after lunch.

The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,

Bet the whole thing on a hunch.

The next day she picked up her winnings,

And gave part to the man on the street.

The man on the street was grateful;

For two days he’d had nothing to eat.

After he finished his dinner,

He left for his small dingy room.

(He didn’t know at the moment

that he might be facing his doom.)

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy

And took him home to get warm.

The puppy was very grateful

To be in out of the storm.

That night the house caught fire.

The puppy barked the alarm.

He barked ‘til he woke the whole household

And saved everybody from harm.

One of the boys that he rescued

Grew up to be President.

All this because of a simple smile

That hadn’t cost a cent.

            -Barbara Hauck

My Battle with a Stone

If you hadn't heard, I have been dealing with a kidney stone for the past month and a half. It has been one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with. I had no idea how painful they really are. Or how debilitating they are. I never thought that I would miss out on so much because of something so small. The stone I have is 3mm by 5mm. That isn't all that big really. But for a kidney stone that is getting close to the size that becomes a problem because it is too big to pass without help. After a week and a bit dealing with the pain I decided to get it removed. I went in and had the surgery done to take it out. It most certainly wasn't a fun surgery. I think the pain from that was almost as bad as the stone itself. What makes it worse is the fact that they weren't able to find the stone. So I went through a painful and expensive surgery for nothing. I was not happy at all to hear that. I found out that the stone had moved back into my kidney. That is something that isn't supposed to happen. Even nurses at the ER were surprised by it. That is just my luck. Nothing has gone right for me this year. Nothing at all. Or at least it sure feels that way.

What makes it worse is all the things I have missed because of it. We had to postpone Bree's baptism because I was too sick to baptize her. I missed two weeks of work, including a very important meeting (I ended up in the ER that day instead of at the meeting). I was on some heavy duty drugs that made me sick and so weak I couldn't get out of bed. It was horrible. I felt like I was wasting away. I was so tired of laying in bed that I kept getting up but when I did I just made myself worse. So I stopped trying to get up.

Now if you know me then you will know that me laying in bed all day is something I would rather not do. So, with me stuck in bed not able to do much of anything, I was slowly going crazy. After two weeks of this I had had enough. I decided that I was just going to deal with the pain without narcotics so that I could get back to my daily normal life. I still have pain but I have learned the warning signs of when an attack is coming on so I can prepare myself for it.

Someday this stone might pass, but I am not holding my breath. It will probably bug me for a long time still, but I am used to pain so I will just deal with it. No more heavy duty pain meds unless I have more surgery. Then I will take some. But until then I have taken my life back. I have gone back to my normal routine.  I have even gone back to running as often as I can.  Running really hurts but I hope that running will help push the stone out of my kidney so I can get rid of it.

Although I have gone back to my normal daily life, I still have the constant nagging of the stone.  There are times when I don't really feel it, but most of the time I do.  I am not in horrible pain all the time.  It is usually just a dull ache or pressure in my back. But there are times when the pain kicks in.  I think the worst part is that I feel like I am always sick.  Whenever the pain gets above a dull ache I start feeling nauseous. And then I get really cold.  Like the cold you feel when you have a high fever.  Wrapping up in blankets doesn't even warm me up.  After a couple hours of that, the pain really kicks in and I have to load up on pain killer and lay in bed until the pain passes.

I have managed to make it over three weeks without taking any narcotics for pain.  I hope that I don't have to take any more because I can't stand the sick and drugged feeling that I get when I have to take them. So I hope to never have to take them again.  Especially now that I have almost gotten caught up in all the tings that I fell behind in while I was down and out.

I think now the hardest thing for me to get back to normal is my sleeping pattern.  I used to get up and 4:45 in the morning and go running.  After sleeping so much I am having a heck of a time getting out of bed at all in the mornings.  My body just wants to sleep.  So I am working on getting myself back into the routine of getting up early.  So far I haven't succeeded but I am getting close.  But mornings are always the worst for me.  I don't know if it is because I have been laying down for the night and when I get up the stone moves into a position that makes me sick, or if it is just a mental thing at this point.  Either way, it is my biggest challenge that I still need to overcome. One day at a time I guess. I will get there.

A Day of Reckoning

     One day a young lawyer was riding on his horse to his office.  He was enjoying the quiet of the summer morning when he heard a loud noise approaching from behind.  He turned and saw a runaway carriage with no one in it as it rushed past.  He spurred his horse and in a short time was racing along side.  He reached over to the handrail and pulled himself into the drivers seat.  After much difficulty, he reached down, grasped  the fallen reins, and pulled  the frightened horses to a halt.  It was only then that he heard the crying of a baby.  He jumped down, opened the door, and saw a newborn baby lying on the floor.  He thought he was only stopping a runaway coach.  Instead, he saved the life of a little boy.

     Twenty years passed and this young lawyer was now a respected judge.  One day an accused murderer was brought before him.  When the man's name was announced, the judge recognized it as that of the baby whose life he had saved many years before.  The young man also recognized the judge.

     Through the course of the trial, it became clear that the young man was guilty.  On the final day, the judge gave his decision and sentenced the young man to death.  The young man was asked if he had anything he wished to say.  The young man acknowledged his crime and then lamented of the inconsistency of how the judge had once saved his life and now he was taking it away.

     The judge thought for a moment and then said in a solemn, kindly tone, "Young man, twenty years ago I saved your life.  I remember it as though it was yesterday.  Yesterday I was your savior.  But today I am your judge!"

              -- Author Unknown

Wow

It has been a while since I posted anything. I'm slacking off again I guess.