FORGET REDNECKS; THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAD TO SAY ABOUT UTAHNS!

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't
work there, you live in Utah.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Utah

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed
the wrong number, you live in Utah.

If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Salt Lake City for the
weekend, you live in Utah.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Utah.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you
live in Utah.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same
day, you live in Utah.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both
unlocked, you live in Utah.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard without flinching, you live in Utah.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you
live in Utah.

If the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph -- you're going 80, and
everyone is still passing you, you live in Utah.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow, you live in Utah.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
road construction, you live in Utah.

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly' you live in Utah.

If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your
friends, you live in Utah.

Close To, Round About, Near By

One Sunday, the minister was talking on baptism and in the course of his sermon he was illustrating that baptism should be performed by sprinkling and not by immersion by pointing out some instances from the Bible.

He said, “In the Bible where it says that John baptized Christ ‘in’ the River Jordan it didn’t mean ‘in’ but meant close to, round about, or near by. Then again where it tells us that Phillip baptized the eunuch in the river it didn’t mean ‘in’ but close to, round about, or near by.”

After the service, as the people were filing out, one old fellow stopped by the minister and said, “Reverend, that was the best sermon I ever heard and it uncovered many of the mysteries of the Bible to me. For example, it tells us in the Old Testament that Jonah was ‘in’ the whale for three days which seemed hard for me to believe but now I see that he was not ‘in’ the whale, but that he was close to, round about, or near by swimming in the water.”

“Then there is the story about the three young Hebrew boys who where thrown ‘into’ the fiery furnace but not burned. Well, it seemed impossible but now I see they were not ‘in’ the furnace but were close to, round about, or near by just keeping warm. But the hardest to believe was where Daniel was thrown ‘in’ the lion’s den but wasn’t hurt. Now I see that he wasn’t ‘in’ the den but was close to, round about, or just near by…like at the zoo.”

“The revealing of these mysteries was very rewarding to me, but the greatest comfort of your sermon was because I am a wicked man who sinned much and it tells us in the Bible that the wicked will be cast into Hell. But now I see that I won’t be cast ‘into’ Hell but ‘close to, round about, or near by’!”

“And…next Sunday, I won’t have to be ‘in’ church; I can just be close to, round about, or near by. Thanks for the sermon. You have really put my mind at ease.”

-- Author Unknown

My Poor Knee

Well, I really did a number on my knee during my last soccer game. I sprained the muscle in the inside of my knee and probably tore my meniscus. I have an MRI Friday and then I will know for sure. If it is torn then I will need surgery to fix it. So much for a good soccer season. I am hoping I will get lucky and I won't have to have surgery or I will be able to play the last few games of the season.

How did I do all this damage to my knee? It was near the end of the game on Friday. We were down 2-1 and running out of time. The ball was kicked up in front of me by about 10 yards. I went sprinting after the ball. So did one of their defenders. We got to the ball at the same time. I went in kicking with most of my strength to make sure I won the ball. So did he. The difference is that I turned my foot out to control the ball so that I had it at my feet after we hit the ball. He didn't. He went straight on. We both hit the ball at the same time. I won the ball all right. But in the process my knee bent out in a way that it isn't supposed to bend. I didn't feel any pain right off. It took a couple steps before that happened. But it was bad. I tried to jog on it but that wasn't happening. So I subbed out of the game. I knew it was bad. I just hoped it wasn't a season ending bad. But it looks like it might be.

What is sad is that back in the day I took hits like that all the time and didn't think twice about them. My knees could take it. They were strong back then. They aren't so strong now. Maybe it is getting time for me to hang up the cleats. But the more I think about that the more I don't think I will. I have always said that as long as I can run I can play. And that is how it is going to play out as far as I am concerned. I will keep on playing until I can't play any more. Then I will just have to turn to coaching. It isn't as fun but it is close. But I feel like I have several years of playing time left in me before I am ready to retire from playing. I look forward to the day I get the go ahead to play again...

Loser Like Me

I just watched my favorite episode of Glee. I like it because it has a couple songs that I can relate to.

The Glee song Loser Like Me (Glee Cast Version) is very fitting for me. I spent most of my life feeling like a loser. There are times when I still feel that way. I hope that someday that will change. I haven't given up hope yet even though there have been many times when I wanted to give up. But giving up isn't in my nature. I will just keep on trying.

The other Glee song Get It Right (Glee Cast Version) is fitting for me as well. I keep screwing everything up. Someday I will get it right - or at least I hope I will. Right now it seems that no matter what I do it isn't the right thing for me to do even though I feel like it is. It is really frustrating.

I guess I am just one of those people that probably doesn't belong in society because either I don't understand society or society doesn't understand me. Maybe it is a little bit of both. I will tell you one thing. Being a social outcast gets really lonely at times. Especially when you need a good friend to talk to. Good friends are hard to come by and right now I feel like I am lacking in that area. Maybe someday I will have a good friend again that I can talk with and hang out with. But right now I will just suffer through life without one.

Opposition

Cripple him and you have Sir Walter Scott

Lock him up in a prison cell and you have a John Bunyon

Burry him in the snows of Valley Forge and you have George Washington

Raise him in poverty and you have Abraham Lincoln

Subject him to bitter religious strife and you have Franklin Delanore Roosevelt, the only president to serve four terms in office.

Burn him so severely in a school house fire that the doctors say he will never walk again and you have a Glen Cunningham who set the world record in 1934 for running the mile in 4 minutes 6.7 seconds

Deafen a genius composer and you have a Ludwig von Beethoven

Drag him more dead than alive from a rice paddy and you have a Rocky Blyer, running back for the great 1970 decade Pittsburg Steelers

Have them born into a society filled with racial prejudice and hatred and you have Booker T. Washington, Harriet Truman, or Martin Luther King Jr.

Have him born into a Nazi concentration camp, paralyze him from the waist down at the age of 4 and you have an Eastman Pearlman, the incomparable pianist.

Call him retarded and write him off as uneducated and you have Albert Einstein

Amputate the cancer-ridden leg of a young Canadian and you have a Terry Fox who ran half way across Canada on artificial legs.

Take both legs away from him and you have a Douglas Bater, an RAF fighter pilot who was captured three times by the Germans and who escaped three times on artificial legs.

Label him too stupid to learn and you have Thomas Edison

Blind him at the age of 44 and you have a John Milton, who 16 years later wrote the great Paradise Lost

Call him dull, hopeless, and flunk him out of school in the 6th grade and you have Winston Churchill

Tell a boy who loves to draw that he has no talent and you have Walt Disney

Spit on Him. Mock him, humiliate Him, and crucify Him, and He forgives you and you have our Lord, Jesus Christ

-- Author Unknown

Dare to climb the Mountain

Many people view the mountain, but few ever want to climb, for when you scale a mountain high you must leave the crowds behind.

There’s a mountain that God offers, those who climb it must be true. It’s a peak called full-time service and it beacons now to you.

Will you dare to climb this mountain, though at times you’ll feel alone? Will you be a missionary, leaving your comforts at home?

Now the way it won’t be easy, many folks won’t understand, but there’ll be applause in heaven, and the Lord will hold your hand.

You won’t hear loud cries of trumpets when you tell folks of your plans. They may say, why climb this mountain? Stay and play in silver sand.

But the voice still cries from Heaven “Give me those with sights set high, give me those to match my mountain, those who’ll reach the top or die.”

As you journey up the mountain, you will feel the cold winds blow, and at times you’ll get discouraged and your feet begin to slow.

But if you’ll refuse to turn around and continue to press on, you’ll soon reach a’top the mountain – no better place to be found.

As you stand there at the summit with the world there far below, you’ll see sights reserved for climbers and your heart will feel its glow.

The Guide that led you to the top will be there at setting sun and will whisper at life’s ending, “Come home and rest – well done.”

Will you dare to climb the mountain though at times you’ll feel alone? Will you be a missionary leaving comforts of your home?

Now the way it won’t be easy, many folks won’t understand, but there’ll be applause in heaven, and the Lord will hold your hand.


-- Author unknown

Old People

Ok. So Monday's have turned into a rat race to get treadmills at the gym. If you aren't standing in line by 4:50ish you most likely won't get a treadmill. It is only Mondays that are like that. What is most annoying about it is it is pretty much all old people that get on the treadmill and walk at the slowest speed the treadmill goes. Why not just walk the track if that is what you are going to do? Leave the treadmills for those that are actually going to use the technology built into them to track their workouts (like I do).

Today I was really irritated by the old people. There are only like 10 treadmills in the place. Well, when I got there this morning the back row of treadmills (the good ones) were already taken. So I ended up taking one in the front (at least I got one). What upset me is that the treadmills behind me were both taken. One had a water bottle on it and no one there. That isn't uncommon. People will take equipment by putting their stuff on it and then run to the bathroom. No big deal. Anyways. The treadmill next to it had an old lady (about 65ish) on it. What made me mad was the fact that she was the one that the water bottle belonged to. She was saving the treadmill next to her for her friend that wasn't there yet. That is just not ok when that is the only treadmill without a person on it and there are people waiting to use it. They are first come first serve. Not get there and save one for your friend. You would think some 65 year old woman would understand that concept. I guess not. I just hope this old people who want to get in shape at 5 in the morning phase ends soon. It is really getting annoying.

What is Easter Really About?

Often times I see the meanings of things totally forgotten. I have decided that Easter is one of those things. It is sad to see how commercialized Easter has gotten. Easter, to most people, is nothing more than Christmas in the spring. It is more about giving of gifts and hunting eggs than anything else. Kids just know it as a day that they get a basket full of toys and candy. How many of those kids know what Easter is really about? I bet most don't. It breaks my heart. Even my kids don't understand the true meaning of Easter. They know that it is in celebration of the resurrection of Jesus but that is it. They don't truly understand what that means.

The resurrection of Christ isn't just something that happened. It is probably one of the most important events in the history of our world. Without this one single event there would be no hope for any of us to ever return to live with our Heavenly Father. Jesus overcame the bonds of death so that we in turn can overcome those bonds. The entire plan of salvation hinged on that one event. Without the resurrection there would be no point in anything else. We wouldn't need repentance, baptism, commandments, service, nothing. There would be no point in them because they would lead to nothing. We would die and that would be it. There would be no real and goal any more. The resurrection is, in my opinion, one of the most important things that has ever happened. People need to remember the sacrifice that was made to save them. Each and every one of us has been impacted by this one event. We can't change that. We will all be resurrected. All thanks to Jesus overcoming the bonds of death. He didn't have to do it. No one made him do it. He did it because he loves each and every one of us and he wants us all to be able to return to live with Him and our Father in Heaven.

So as you go through the day today remember the real meaning of Easter. Don't let the egg hunts and candy replace Jesus this day.

Deep Thoughts

Have you ever taken time to ponder about why things happened the way they did? I know I have. I have often thought back to events in my life and wondered what their purpose was. I am the kind of person that doesn't think that things just happen. They happen for a reason. Most of the time the reason isn't apparent when the event happens. Sometimes the reason never really comes to light. But there is a reason. I have been looking back at things lately and I have wondered what events in the past have gotten me to where I am today. What things have I done to influence my progression. And the biggest thing I have been thinking about lately is why am I in the position I am in and why do things seem to suck so badly right now. It is one thing after another and the rough times just don't seem to be letting up. Are these hard times because of something that I did in the past? Are they because of a bad choice I made years ago? Sometimes I think some of challenges I am having now are the fallout of decisions I made years ago. And then some things are the result of things that I had no control over what so ever. Things seem so unfair. I work my butt off every day to keep my family afloat. But I never seem to be able to get ahead. If we get close to getting ahead something always happens to knock us back again. Then I look around at people I know and see that a lot of them don't do the things they are supposed to be doing. They are taking the easy road. They do what they want when they want. And yet for some reason they seem to be doing just fine. So why is it that when people do the things they are supposed to be doing and work hard are the ones that seem to have the worst things happen to them? Is it because they chose to do the right thing at the time? Or is it because life isn't fair and only those who cheat will ever get ahead?

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but don’t you quit!

Life is a queer with all its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worse,
That you must not quit.

-- Author Unknown

Someone Cares

When someone cares to share my joy, I brighten up inside,
When someone cares to hear my heart, I gratefully confide.
When someone cares to lift me up when routines may seem dull,
When someone cares to strengthen me, my days can be so full.
Then I can give to someone else with spirit still to share,
And I may bless another life when I know someone cares.

Because you cared to give yourself and helped along my way,
The joy you gave me yesterday is mine to give today.
I’ll listen more within my heart as burdens may unfold,
A loving touch, a helping hand, to share a heavy load.
And I may bless another life when I know someone cares.

And when we bring to life our love, the circle will begin,
For what we choose to give away, comes back to us again.
We’re doping what our Savior taught; take time to feed His sheep,
We’re caring for each other well, the circle is complete.
Then I can give to someone else with spirit still to share,
And I may bless another life when I know someone cares.

-- Bonnie Partridge

Life

Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain
Good things and bad things, pleasure and pain.
We can’t have all sunshine
But its certainly true
There is never a cloud the sun didn’t shine through.
So always remember that whatever befalls you
The power of God is always beside you
And if a friend disappoints you, and plans go astray
And nothing worked out in just the right way,
And you feel you have failed in achieving your goal
And life wrongly placed you in an unfitting role.
Take heart and stand tall
And remember who you are
For God is your father and no one can bar
Or keep you from reaching your desired success
Or withhold the joy that is yours to possess
For with God on your side
It matters not who is working to keep
Life’s good things form you
For you need nothing more
Than God’s guidance and love
To insure you the things that your worthy of
So trust in his wisdom and follow his ways
And be not concerned with the world’s empty praise
But seek first his kingdom
And you will possess the world’s greatest riches
Which is true happiness.

-- Author Unknown

A Wise Man

There was a young man in the Near East who came to an oasis at the edge of town. Approaching an old graybeard at the well, he asked, “What kind of people dwell in this place?”
“What kind of people dwelt in the place from whence you came?” asked the old man.
“Ah! They were a bad and selfish lot,” replied the youth. “I was glad to leave them.”
“You’ll find the same here,” said the old man.
The old man tarried a while at the well, and later in the day another young man came to drink. Seeing the old man, the stranger put the same question to him, “What kind of people dwell in this place?”
Again the graybeard replied with the question, “What kind of people dwelt in the place from whence you came?
Said the young man, “They were a fine lot – honest, friendly, hospitable. I hated leaving them.”
“You’ll find the same here,” said the old man.
A lounger at the oasis who had heard both conversations challenged the old man “How could you give two different answers to the same question?”
“My son,” the wise man answered, “each carries in his heart the environment in which he lives. The one who found nothing good in the place from whence he came, will find the same here. The one who found friends in his former place will find friends here. We find in people what we ourselves prepared to see.”

Floods

Are you worried about floods? I'm not. I have seen it before. If you have watched the local news lately you no doubt have seen stuff about the floods and mudslides of 1983. I remember them well. I was in elementary school back then. The bus I rode to school went past the mud that was constantly running down the mountain and onto Highway 89. We had to change our bus route because we couldn't go up the roads that we needed to go up. I thought it was cool that we had mudslides back then and I haven't changed much. I have always enjoyed seeing natural disasters (that is except when a lot of people are killed - or injured). It just keeps my respect for nature in check. As for people whose homes are flooded out, I kinda feel bad for them but at the same time they shouldn't have bought a house that is in a flood plain. There are a lot of areas around here that will get flooded out. There are also a lot of basements that will end up with water in them because the water table will go up so high. I do feel bad for those people because you don't have to live in a flood plain for that to happen. That is when you have to make sure you have a good sump pump to keep the water out. I look at a lot of those really expensive houses that are built up on the mountain next to the streams that come out of them and I often think to myself that one day those houses are going to either be ripped apart by an earthquake (they are built right on top of a fault line) or they are going to get washed down the mountain by a mudslide. It looks like some of them are going to get the flood this year. Personally I think it would be a good thing. I really don't like seeing all those houses up on the mountain. They should never have been built there in the first place. So if they get washed away then I will be happy. I know that is mean to say but that is just how I feel. I won't feel bad because those houses are built in the absolute worst place. It wouldn't be the first time I have seen houses slide down a hillside. I have seen several houses slowly slide down a hill into the hollow before. It happened slowly so they were able to get all their belongings out. But they still lost their houses. There are no houses there now. It is too dangerous to build there. Maybe that will happen with the houses on the mountain. They will get washed away and someone will finally say that houses can't be built there again because it is too dangerous. But I am sure that won't happen because that land is worth too much money and people are greedy and don't care about the safety of the homes they build. It is a sad world when it comes down to money over life.

Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all  traveling at maximum velocity.  The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.  Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British  engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as  the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof  shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The  horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists  for suggestions.

NASA responded  with a one-line memo --

"Defrost the chicken."

(True Story)